Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Welcome to the big show...

....or as a very close friend of mine put it- the sideshow.....what a wonderful way to spend the entire past 2 weeks- balls to the wall crazy. Finally I have some free time! But what will I be doing with that free time? My methods section and LSAT less than two weeks I will have my life back! I swear if my body wouldn't collaspe under the added pressure I'd totally make a go for ruling the world. I think I will just stick to ruling my life for right now...and rocking the world. (no, kidding....that comes later after the LSAT's).
I know that this "big top" we refer to as college is not easy. But shit, three years after high school, I'm still not used to the daily grind of it all. Maybe I'm just sick of it and never shoulda stayed in WV in the first place so that's why I never got in the groove of things, but damn...what I wouldn't give for a year off. It seems as though every professor I have wants to assign a ginormous paper due on the same day, or they have absolutely no sympathy for a poor girl just trying to study for a test that determines the rest of her life! Does everything HAVE to happen before October 1st? We DO have an entire semester left. I feel like an elephant is sitting on about working for peanuts- I pay these people to fuck around with my life and give me daily reminders that I'm still not done for the day in the form of headaches/sometimes migraines depending on who's doing the damage.
Since we're on the subject of elephants and circus big tops, did I mention I'm deathly afraid of clowns? I'm not kidding when I say "deathly" either. Ask anyone who knows me....I hate clowns. So recently I have been having these awful dreams about clowns. Not like, "hey lil buddy wanna balloon?" kind of dreams either- it's more like "oh my f-ing lord there's the scariest clown ever..........and he's my LSAT teacher." I can't even answer the first question....this clown is sitting at a desk blowing bubbles with his gum while wearing a Michigan Football jersey over all his clown outfit and his fucking huge clown feet are tapping the floor so loud I can't think. So I look up and just glare at him and then bam... we make eye contact. And I have turned into scared little mess of a person who can't budge an inch. So Bastard the Clown (cute huh?) comes over to my desk and takes my test and reads the answers out loud (yeah i thought i didn't finish my test too, but apparently I did). I failed the hardcore. IF i was going for the worst grade ever on an LSAT- I got it. Not only that he put a clown hat on me and was like "you can be my assisstant! Won't that be fun?! Assisstant to my worst fear? Eh, ok how much does it pay?
No seriously......What the hell does that mean? What on Earth am I supposed to do with a dream like that?! I get a nervous jolt up my spine everytime I look at my prep book. Driving to Mo-town next Saturday (NEXT SATURDAY!?) scares the bajeezus out of me. The whole time I'm going to be crying, I can just see it. I can't even concentrate on this test. I spend more time wondering who i'm gonna call in a favor from to get in. I automatically think I am gonna have to pull the "family card" to get in. I don't want to do that. I would love to do at least decent on the test, get in, and know that I did it by myself, just like I have everything else in my life.....but what if I need to call in a few favors? Does that make me a loser who probably shouldn't go to law school? Should I really just do something else and cut my losses?
How about I just suck it up, knock that clown over his desk onto his ass and just do what I can? It's all anxiety I know, and I'm sure I'll be a completely different person- either much happier just for having made it through the damned thing...or I could be a huge mess because I bombed it and now will never make it to law plan B is not exactly what I would want to do for the rest of my life. It's not even a plan B really....because it involves yet another impossible test that I do not even want to think about. Just pray for me...I need it and I want to go to law school damnit! It's what I've worked for and I am so pissed that one test determines (rather ambiguously if you ask me) if I'm a good candidate for law school. I'm throwing myself at the LSAT and hoping I bounce off with a score that can get me in!
If I survive this thing- party at 136 directly after.....think of it as a celebration of my making it to my 22nd birthday in one piece.....a little disheveled, but all in all, I'm still in one piece.....and I'm ready to rule my life once again....don't forget that WVU plays VT on the 1st...let's burn some furniture baby!


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